Survival Mode


This is me all last week. Nauseated. Tired. Beya took this picture of me hence all the blurriness. But it just goes to show you how lackadaisical I've been in my parenting lately. I don't even remember her taking pictures.
Want to take a guess as to why? Yep, I'm pregnant. Number 4 is officially on the way. Don't ask me the due date because I always go early and I keep more track of getting safely to 37 weeks and less track of when the baby is coming. But it's in June, that's all you need to know. And I have been SOOOOO sick. Today, actually, is the first day that I have not been completely miserable and hoping that someone would come knock me out and not wake me up for another approximately 5 weeks. I have managed somehow to keep myself and my children fed and Novan to school. That's pretty much it. I don't remember what I ate all week except that it was disgusting and made me want to gag every time and had me wishing that you could get a feeding tube put in on an outpatient basis with no questions asked. If there had been anything on earth that didn't sound completely nauseating I would have had it delivered to my front door. I even threw up twice, which I have never done in the past. This has been the WORST sickness I have experienced to date in the pregnancy realm. I have wondered what state I would be in at the 13 week mark (when morning sickness typically abates for me). But today, HALLELUJAH, I have been reminded that I am human. I've certainly had the nausea and the tiredness but on a much smaller scale. I did not lie in bed in a nauseated stupor all day. I cleaned. I cooked. I took my kids to the park. Amazing! I'm hoping Brad's fast for me did the trick and days like today are here to stay.

So, LAST and FINAL baby #4 has already given me quite the trial. I have had a hard time being excited about another child or anything that might merit excitement or joy whatsoever. I probably could have won a million dollars or something and still would have had a hard time mustering the energy to smile. Never fear though. I'm sure I'll be excited soon. I really want the last one to be a girl. I really didn't care about any of the past ones in terms of gender. But this one I care. I'm having a hard time convincing myself not to be disappointed if it's a boy. And no I'm not finding out. It's kinda hard to do that if you don't actually pay a visit to a doctor's office and an ultrasound machine. Cuz this baby is going to be at home just like Iyov was.

So why do I want another girl? Because Beya is the sweetest child on the planet and I'm wondering if it's just her or if it's girls in general. My sweet Beya has taken such good care of me this past week. She knew I was sick and that the new baby was making me sick. So she would always include "And help momma to feel better" in her prayers and she would always ask me when I looked a little more lively if I was feeling better. I only had to ask once and she would bring me whatever I asked for with a cheerful "Ok Momma!" She'd bring me a diaper and wipes so I could change Iyov in my bed. She would bring me everyone's toothbrushes with toothpaste so I could brush their teeth while I was laying in bed. She would bring me an apple if I was lying on the bed, too sick to move but knowing I needed to eat something. She would get socks out of my drawer and put them on my feet if I was cold. She would brush my hair and smooth my face or hold my hand when my eyes were pinched shut from a particularly bad bout of nausea. And while Brad is gone, she's been sleeping with me, because I just sleep better when someone else is in the room. I've kind of depended on her. She's just such a little ball of sunshine that her presence just seems to make me feel less lonely and less hopeless. Yes, that's how sick I have been. It's been awful! Oh please, oh please, let today last!
Here are a few other pictures I found on my phone this week which I believe are Beya's handiwork. You can tell what's important in her life. I think the close up of Novan is actually pretty neat. =)

Comments

  1. Congrats! And I'm glad you're maybe starting to feel better. Just FYI, I don't think all girls are as sweet as Beya. Okay, I KNOW they're not! London's very sweet and caring, but she's also a pill. I hope you get another one like Beya.

    ReplyDelete
  2. YAY!!!! CONGRATS!!!! That is sooooo exciting! (Can you tell I'm excited w/ all the exclamation marks?!?)
    My pregnancies got progressively worse and worse as well....I'm so sorry. I know all too well what "survival mode" means during that first while.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ummmm, and this is really Melissa, not Brooks.....he didn't have any pregnancies. :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Sarah told me today that you were pregnant, she found out from your blog. Oddly enough before I read it I thought “I hope it’s a girl.” Anyway congratulations Rachel, I’m happy for you!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Aw I so suck! LOL I have only just now been able to catch up on most of my blogs I'd missed reading after changing jobs and I am so far behind I didn't even know you were pregnant! Congrats, I hope it's a girl for you and I think it is so darling that Beya is taking such good care of you.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular Posts