Sleepless
I do not know what is wrong with me. Three nights ago I woke up at 2:30 to feed Keshet. I couldn't go back to sleep until 5:30. Two nights ago, I fed her at 4:30. I couldn't go back to sleep at all. Last night I woke up to go to the bathroom at 3:30 and what do ya know? I couldn't go back to sleep. So after lying fruitlessly in bed until 4:30, what's a girl to do but get up and be productive? So I swept my kitchen, dining room, and bathroom, and then decided to mop. I topped it off by doing a little breast pumping. I went back to bed only to NOT go to sleep again so what better way to spend the wee morning hours than blog? The irony of it all is that Keshet has been sleeping since 10 o'clock and it's now 6:20... so I don't even get to enjoy a baby that has slept through the night. I said a prayer last night that she would because after 2 nights, I really just wanted to sleep and I was hoping that if she didn't wake me up, I wouldn't have to worry about being awake too long and thus would be able to sleep through the night. Prayer answered apparently. I guess I should have added "And bless me that I won't have to pee." Actually, I don't think I had to pee that badly. I think I just woke up randomly and decided I might as well go to the bathroom.
I've not been a very good sleeper for many years now.... oh since I had kids I guess. Women have this switch that turns on once they give birth the first time that makes them have superwoman hearing. It gets intensified with each child until you hear things without even knowing you heard them. You just KNOW when something's going on. As of late, I have been waking up before Keshet starts making audible noise. I swear, even though she's in another room, the sounds of her moving in her bed still reaches my sleeping ears. Men do NOT have this gift. My husband can sleep through just about anything.
Now usually, when I am unable to sleep it's because I'm thinking about something. I do my best thinking at night I think because I don't have any brain power to do it during the day when my thoughts are always disturbed by somebody wanting or needing something. But I've not been thinking about anything these last few nights except how much I need to get back to sleep. Trust me, I've tried NOT to think about that because it only stresses me out and keeps me awake. I've tried all kinds of things like reading a book, playing a game on my phone, singing hymns to myself, relaxing exercises, cleaning...obviously. Two nights ago I actually took a shower to try to relax myself. Every time I think about how long I've been awake I just want to cry. Actually I've done that too, hoping a bit of catharsis will tire me out. Nothing has worked. The part of my brain screaming at me to go back to sleep just will not SHUT UP! And I know I'm not awake because I only require 5 hours of sleep now because that whole time I'm awake, I'm so TIRED. And I'm tired during the day also. I am fearful this will get worse because now I'm going to spend time worrying that I'm not going to be able to sleep which means I won't sleep and if I wake up at night, my first thought will be, "crap, am I going to go back to sleep?" and then the vicious cycle will repeat. I think tonight I will try staying up later so that maybe I will be just too tired to stay awake if I wake up in the middle of the night. Maybe I'll throw in a dose of melatonin as well. What do you do when you can't sleep? How do you quiet your mind?
I've not been a very good sleeper for many years now.... oh since I had kids I guess. Women have this switch that turns on once they give birth the first time that makes them have superwoman hearing. It gets intensified with each child until you hear things without even knowing you heard them. You just KNOW when something's going on. As of late, I have been waking up before Keshet starts making audible noise. I swear, even though she's in another room, the sounds of her moving in her bed still reaches my sleeping ears. Men do NOT have this gift. My husband can sleep through just about anything.
Now usually, when I am unable to sleep it's because I'm thinking about something. I do my best thinking at night I think because I don't have any brain power to do it during the day when my thoughts are always disturbed by somebody wanting or needing something. But I've not been thinking about anything these last few nights except how much I need to get back to sleep. Trust me, I've tried NOT to think about that because it only stresses me out and keeps me awake. I've tried all kinds of things like reading a book, playing a game on my phone, singing hymns to myself, relaxing exercises, cleaning...obviously. Two nights ago I actually took a shower to try to relax myself. Every time I think about how long I've been awake I just want to cry. Actually I've done that too, hoping a bit of catharsis will tire me out. Nothing has worked. The part of my brain screaming at me to go back to sleep just will not SHUT UP! And I know I'm not awake because I only require 5 hours of sleep now because that whole time I'm awake, I'm so TIRED. And I'm tired during the day also. I am fearful this will get worse because now I'm going to spend time worrying that I'm not going to be able to sleep which means I won't sleep and if I wake up at night, my first thought will be, "crap, am I going to go back to sleep?" and then the vicious cycle will repeat. I think tonight I will try staying up later so that maybe I will be just too tired to stay awake if I wake up in the middle of the night. Maybe I'll throw in a dose of melatonin as well. What do you do when you can't sleep? How do you quiet your mind?
That's rather ironic because I used to be a HORRIBLE sleeper and Brooks was like a ROCK, then with each kid I've slept heavier and heavier....to the point that Brooks has to wake ME to feed babies because I won't hear a THING!
ReplyDeleteI wonder if you timed a jog or something in early evening if it might wear you out a little more (?). But that to me sounds like torture because I hate running..........