What was he thinking?!

While I am going about my day and cleaning up one thing after another, I regularly wonder what exactly was going through my child's head when they are doing this or that. It kind of helps to think of what they're thinking and it can be quite amusing at times. It helps keep me calm I think.
For example, one of my children may start their day as follows:
Go into the living room and see that it's still dark. Well mom will probably be mad if I go into her room and wake her up. I REALLY gotta take a dump, but first, let me take my pull-up off and leave it right here on the couch where it belongs. Phew. That's better.
[goes to toilet] Gee I hope none of that poo touches me, I better use half a roll of toilet paper and hope it sticks with minimal wiping effort. Eeeew. Wow I love the way the bathroom smells. I think I'll just leave the toilet unflushed; that way the smell can permeate the room really well.
Lalalalalala. Hmmm. What can I do now? Guess I'll turn on the TV. Oh my goodness! What are throw pillows doing on the couch? They don't belong there. Everyone KNOWS throw pillows are meant for THROWING on the floor. Sheesh.
Hmmm. While I'm at it, I think I'll get my blanket from my room and put that on the floor in here too. Then, hey! I can lay down on the pillows with my blanket and watch TV.
Oh boy, everyone's up now. Now everyone else can get in on the floor pillow action. Better bring their blankets.
Some time later, from another child's point of view:
Oh boy! I hear mom's door opening. About flippin time my human slave woke up! I'm hungry. Mom needs to get me some juice before I starve. Maybe if I say the word "hungry" over and over and over and over, she'll move faster, or at least maybe juice will magically appear. And man, my PJs are WET. I hope she can take this off of me even though I can take it off myself AND go to the bathroom. Why do that when you have a human slave called mom? Wait! Why is she going back in her room? Ok. It's screaming time.
Later that day:
Hey Beya! Mom's occupied with the baby. Let's go in the kitchen she forgot just this once to block off and REALLY do some damage. I'm hungry. I think I'll test out every piece of fruit to see if it's to my liking. Then maybe I'll empty all the cabinets. Even though I don't actually want to PLAY with any of the kitchen implements, there's just something magical about having it all out on the floor where I can see it. Plus it is just SOOO entertaining to watch mom clean it up.
Meanwhile, another child:
"Mooooom. Can I play on your phone?"
Mom: "No. You already played games today."
What? That is SOOO unfair. I think I'll just whine about it a lot to see if she's really decisive on that no. If so, well, at least I get to torture her for a while.
Some whining time later:
Oh hey... is that dad that just came in? I think I'll see if HE'LL let me play on the phone. Dad's the nice one after all.
After trying to bamboozle dad and failing:
Oh my gosh! Those darn throw pillows are on the couch again! And where is my blanket? Oh man, a boy's work is just NEVER done! Let me just take care of that.[throws pillows on the floor] That was so tiring that now I am thirsty. Where's my cup? Oh well. I'll just tell mom I can't find it even though I haven't looked ANYWHERE for it. [after failing to get mom to find cup] Can you believe she won't get my cup? I'm just physically incapable of looking for it. All I know how to do is whine about it. I know mom hates whining but that will show her!
Dinner time:
I cannot BELIEVE Mom is trying to get me to eat THAT! I better tell her I don't like it in a really rude tone so I can get my meaning across. I sure as heck better get my cookie after dinner though. If I don't, I think I'll just whine. I know mom ALWAYS makes me eat my dinner before I get a treat but what the hey... I might as well try whining again. There's a first time for everything, right? She'll be proud of me for being persistent.
Bed time:
Mom: "Can you put your jammies on please Novan?"
I wonder how long I can get away with not doing that. [plays with a toy]
Later Mom: "Novan. PLEASE put your jammies on."
Wow, I soooo don't feel like doing that.
Later, again Mom: "Novan, look at me."
[looks at mom]
Mom: "Put your jammies on." [mom holds out jammies she got out of drawer for child]
Awwww. Isn't that sweet? She even got my jammies out for me. See I knew she'd cave. Now I really don't have to put them on.
Later, Mom: "Novan! Jammies. NOW!"
Can you BELIEVE she's ordering me around like that?
Child replies in his best rude voice, "Mooooom. I'll do it in a MINUTE!"
Mom: "Novan. You put those jammies on right now or I'm spanking you."
Child rudely: "OK mom. I'm doing it."
Gosh, she didn't have to get so snippy.
Child on the way to bathroom before bed: 
Holy Cow! There's those pesky pillows again on the couch. I better put 'em on the floor. Why do I have to clean up everything around here?

Yeah. It's so much more fun to think of that as I go around cleaning up blasted pillows and everything else along with dealing with a screaming 2 year old and a 5 year old who seems to speak to me like he's some kind of teenager every day. But fortunately for me, mom is always right. And mom is going to win in the end, especially against boys and their incessant need to keep pillows on the floor. Just when they think they've beaten me, I've got tricks up my sleeve, like booby trapped baby swings:

*Sigh* It's the little things that make my day. Yeah, he was NOT happy with this. Notice how his arm is ALSO stuck in the toy attached to the swing tray. And this is after REPEATEDLY telling him to stay out of the swing. I was pretty tempted to just leave him there. At least he'd stay out of trouble that way.




Comments

  1. HAHAHAHAAAA!!! This is the best post you've written yet! Oooooh I hope it gets better :-)

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  2. fabulous. that is exactly what they are thinking i'm sure of it. great perspective, you made me laugh this morning.

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  3. HAHAHA. Ok so seriously it sounds like you need to make HIM pick up the pillows. It worked for my kids. a few times of making them do it and do it RIGHT it doesnt happen often anymore...

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