Neighbors With Kids
We are currently experiencing something we have never experienced before. Neighbors with kids. We had a set of boys across the street from us in NC who came over a lot but they were a bit older than my kids and never presented any of the issues I have to deal with in our current situation. We have families on either side of us with kids. One has just a 6-year old girl Amelia. The other has a 5-year old Joey and 7-year old boy Robbie. Those two families are the ones my kids interact with the most. Then there's Emma who I believe is 7 or so who is on the other side of Joey and Robbie's trailer. Then there's Corbin and Camry (5ish and 4ish respectively) who live across the street. So there are a lot of kids. And we are kind of at the end of our street so fortunately there is less through-traffic. And our trailers are REALLY close together. We could talk to each other through our windows if we wanted to so it's kind of like an apartment complex in closeness but with yards.
This all sounds really great, I know, and I certainly wouldn't want it any other way. BUT, there are a couple of things that have made things... complicated?
For one thing, we're Mormons. So we have different standards. There's no smoking or drinking at our house but Amelia's dad smokes. And both families on either side of us drink alcohol on occasion. Neither of those families is religious either. When I didn't know either family well, I never allowed my kids inside their homes. I didn't know the extent of the smoking situation so I didn't want the kids around that. Then there was some weird work drama with Joey and Robbie's dad, (All of our neighbors work at Tractor & Equipment where Brad works since it's company housing), so I didn't even know how welcome my kids were at their house. Navigating the waters of being neighborly but making my boundaries known was a little tricky. I do NOT want neighbors that dislike me nor do I want them to think that I'm some kind of crazy conservative religious nut. I found Beya in Amelia's house one day after I had told her she could NOT go over there and when I showed up at Lisa's (Amelia's mom) door with a stern face for Beya's disobedience, I had to quickly return after I'd drug my delinquent child home and explain why I was apprehensive about having Beya at her house while trying not to make her think that I thought she was some kind of bad mom.
Well, I've finally got some kind of relationship with both moms on either side of me so now the kids mostly wander from house to house doing this and that. But now there's this issue of sleepovers. Brad and I decided a while back before our kids were ever at sleepover age that we would NOT allow our kids to go to sleepovers. The reason being that when bad things happen, it's almost always at a sleepover. They're just not good, ya know? Just think about sleepovers YOU had when you were growing up.... uh huh. You know what I'm talking about. So we have a rule with our kids that they can NOT sleep over at someone else's house but other kids CAN come to our house for sleepovers. The problem is in communicating this to other parents in a way that doesn't say outright, "I don't trust you to monitor the children as much as I do." That just sounds bad, you know? I've communicated this to Amelia's mom and she has insisted that she gets it and all but I've yet to speak to Joey's mom about it. I keep putting off Beya's requests to have Joey over for a sleepover because I don't want to deal with the reciprocating of sleepover invites. I think it might just be easier to not allow sleepovers at all, you know? How do YOU deal with the sleepover issue?
And finally, (and I've spoken to the other 2 mom neighbors about this phenomenon which we are all baffled by), the girls just seem to get extra snotty when they have extended periods of playing with other girls. Have you experienced this? There's something about getting girls together that can just bring out the worst in them. They get independent, disobedient, and whiney beyond belief! Beya got so bad one day that I didn't let her outside to play for 2 days in hopes that friend abstinence would cure her attitude problem. It hasn't. She's on another friend restriction tomorrow. I'm not sure how to deal with this. Any advice?
I love our neighbors though. And as a side-announcement, we got through our no-tv month with no problem. It was downright easy, actually. The only times I really wished I could turn it on were a few days when Iyov was really sick and I just wanted him to sit down and rest in front of the tv instead of him insisting he get to go outside with the other kids while running a fever. I have to credit the number of kids in our neighborhood with making it so easy though. The weather has made going outside an everyday occurrence. So now that our tv-free month is over, I'm going with occasional family movie nights and occasional tv when Keshet is sleeping. But I've been very pleased with how easy it has been.
So yeah... if you have kids, how do you let other parents know in a delicate fashion what you expect? Or maybe you remember something your parents did when you were growing up?
Iyov, Beya, & Joey
This all sounds really great, I know, and I certainly wouldn't want it any other way. BUT, there are a couple of things that have made things... complicated?
For one thing, we're Mormons. So we have different standards. There's no smoking or drinking at our house but Amelia's dad smokes. And both families on either side of us drink alcohol on occasion. Neither of those families is religious either. When I didn't know either family well, I never allowed my kids inside their homes. I didn't know the extent of the smoking situation so I didn't want the kids around that. Then there was some weird work drama with Joey and Robbie's dad, (All of our neighbors work at Tractor & Equipment where Brad works since it's company housing), so I didn't even know how welcome my kids were at their house. Navigating the waters of being neighborly but making my boundaries known was a little tricky. I do NOT want neighbors that dislike me nor do I want them to think that I'm some kind of crazy conservative religious nut. I found Beya in Amelia's house one day after I had told her she could NOT go over there and when I showed up at Lisa's (Amelia's mom) door with a stern face for Beya's disobedience, I had to quickly return after I'd drug my delinquent child home and explain why I was apprehensive about having Beya at her house while trying not to make her think that I thought she was some kind of bad mom.
Well, I've finally got some kind of relationship with both moms on either side of me so now the kids mostly wander from house to house doing this and that. But now there's this issue of sleepovers. Brad and I decided a while back before our kids were ever at sleepover age that we would NOT allow our kids to go to sleepovers. The reason being that when bad things happen, it's almost always at a sleepover. They're just not good, ya know? Just think about sleepovers YOU had when you were growing up.... uh huh. You know what I'm talking about. So we have a rule with our kids that they can NOT sleep over at someone else's house but other kids CAN come to our house for sleepovers. The problem is in communicating this to other parents in a way that doesn't say outright, "I don't trust you to monitor the children as much as I do." That just sounds bad, you know? I've communicated this to Amelia's mom and she has insisted that she gets it and all but I've yet to speak to Joey's mom about it. I keep putting off Beya's requests to have Joey over for a sleepover because I don't want to deal with the reciprocating of sleepover invites. I think it might just be easier to not allow sleepovers at all, you know? How do YOU deal with the sleepover issue?
And finally, (and I've spoken to the other 2 mom neighbors about this phenomenon which we are all baffled by), the girls just seem to get extra snotty when they have extended periods of playing with other girls. Have you experienced this? There's something about getting girls together that can just bring out the worst in them. They get independent, disobedient, and whiney beyond belief! Beya got so bad one day that I didn't let her outside to play for 2 days in hopes that friend abstinence would cure her attitude problem. It hasn't. She's on another friend restriction tomorrow. I'm not sure how to deal with this. Any advice?
I love our neighbors though. And as a side-announcement, we got through our no-tv month with no problem. It was downright easy, actually. The only times I really wished I could turn it on were a few days when Iyov was really sick and I just wanted him to sit down and rest in front of the tv instead of him insisting he get to go outside with the other kids while running a fever. I have to credit the number of kids in our neighborhood with making it so easy though. The weather has made going outside an everyday occurrence. So now that our tv-free month is over, I'm going with occasional family movie nights and occasional tv when Keshet is sleeping. But I've been very pleased with how easy it has been.
So yeah... if you have kids, how do you let other parents know in a delicate fashion what you expect? Or maybe you remember something your parents did when you were growing up?
Iyov, Beya, & Joey
Good thing is, every house does things differently. We don't do sleepovers (we have while babysitting some ward families for temple trips, but as for friends sleepovers, we won't). If they want to stay up late together, then they can have a late movie night and we'll go pick them up or vice versa. It's trickier when your kids are young though, because our rule w/ ALL our neighbor kids (that just moved in within the past month) is they're not allowed to go in anyone's home. Play outside, be kids!! (That was Brooks' family's rule while growing up to avoid the video/gaming and how knows what else happens stuff). And get this, the OTHER parents had that same rule too. Lucky us. So none of the kids are allowed in anyone's homes and they just yard hop, play ball or be kids. Aleeya and Iris just follow suit and stay outside as well, it's worked for us here but not sure what your outside situation is there. Tricky situation dealing w/ neighbors, that's for sure.
ReplyDeletemy sister (with 3 girls) had to decide no sleepovers what so ever. there can't be exceptions for really good friends or parents you know well because eventually it will come back to bite you. there have been hurt feelings and misunderstandings of parenting so now for the past few years the answer is no to all. harsh but necessary. the older girls go over to play and then mom picks them up at bedtime and brings them home.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was growing up, I was always outside playing with the neighbor kids (or inside playing with the neighbor kids). We did have sleepovers occasionally but in my situation now, I'm not really okay with that. It's a tough one, though. But what good does it do? I remember my sister had a good friend (and slept over at her house a few times) and my mom found out later that her dad was a sex offender! I don't think anything ever happened with my sister, but scary nonetheless. And these were people my parents knew well. That's probably not really common, but I guess what I'm saying is you never know.
ReplyDeleteAs far as snottiness is concerned, I'm SO there. London gets her girl time at school and comes home bratty. There is definitely an attitude that needs some adjustment. Let us know how it goes!