No Joy
Most, if not all of you have no idea what movie I'm talking about but there's an animated movie from Dreamworks called "Surf's Up" which is about surfing penguins. In one segment, the young penguin is trying to learn to surf from his famous mentor and the mentor makes him do crazy tasks like hanging upside down, "surfing" on a "sand wave" and using a miniature surfing action figure to pretend to surf. Cody (the amateur surfer) is annoyed that he can't actually get in the water and do it so he goes about these ridiculous tasks with little enthusiasm. Upon completion of the final task with the action figure, the mentor says, "No joy... Fail" indicating he has not passed the test and is not progressing in his surf training. The point of his "training" is to get Cody to have fun because surfing is primarily about fun and if you're just in it for some end goal, it takes all the joy out.
I'm not learning to surf, (after all there are no waves within a thousand miles of here), but I've been in an unhealthy rut. Maybe it's because I'm adjusting to a place that is drastically different from anywhere else I've lived. Maybe it's because I miss my husband who works at least 13 hours a day. Maybe it's because of the incessant sickness present in our house, but I just don't feel well. I can't put my finger on it exactly but I seem to be wavering between vague anxiety and just a general feeling of unsettlement. I'm happy, actually quite happy. But I'm not feeling like physically, I'm thriving.
Furthermore, and most importantly, food holds no joy for me like it used to. That's really what I want to change. I haven't been cooking unhealthily per se, but I haven't actually enjoyed it at all. I kind of hate it. And I'm hungry a lot, which is even more annoying because I don't actually want to cook. I attribute the increased appetite to Keshet's getting older and still nursing 5 times a day. I'd rather eat quick snack foods than actual real food that takes effort. And I'm craving sugar all the time, which I've learned is my body's signal that it's malnourished.
I need to hit the reset button on my body. I guess people call this a cleanse and that term will suffice also. When you spend too much time eating the wrong things, your body gets confused and thinks that it needs the wrong things and then you get confused about what you should be putting in it. That's where I'm at. My life has changed quite a bit in the last year and I've gone through a bit of emotional trauma and changes. I also lost almost all of the weight from my last pregnancy which can release all kinds of weird toxins and stuff so I have become convinced, more and more, that I need to do something drastic. I've also prayed about it quite a bit and wanting to feel better physically and it's no coincidence that I've been prompted that a cleanse is in order. I feel like everywhere I look, people are doing all kinds of cleansing, juice fast, water fast, raw cleanse, etc. I guess you could say I am jumping on the bandwagon, but I prefer to think of it as a message and an answer to personal prayer that this is what I need to do.
So because I'm nursing, I can't do anything super drastic. But I need to do something so I decided the best bet would be a raw diet for a while. I'll be eating a 98% raw diet. The exception will be on food items that cannot be reasonably eaten uncooked like beans and some grains like rice. I still need a good portion of protein and fats to maintain healthy milk and if I'm struggling with hunger all the time, I certainly don't need to severely diminish my caloric intake. I'll also be eating absolutely 0 dairy, refined sugar, and processed foods. Whole food is the name of the game and I'm also going to try to get in 64 ounces of water a day as well.
My goal is not to be a raw vegan. My goal is to get back to the place where I'm eating what I need and not what my body thinks it needs and giving into cravings for things that are obviously not health foods.
I start class for my Master's in creative writing on June 11th so that is my goal date to reach. It's a little over 3 weeks away, I started yesterday so I guess that makes it 26 days. Here's hoping that in the end I can feel a little more in control of my body and it's cravings and complaints. I want to be master of it once more. And I'm certain I'll feel better mentally was well even though monetary stability can go a long way to helping mental stability. I feel like I've got a good spiritual vibe going and I could probably get more out of it if I were more in tune with my physical body and not letting it run a muck.
And lastly, I hope to bring the joy back to food. As the person that cooks/prepares 3 meals a day for my family, that's a lot of time to hate what you're doing. I don't want to hate it anymore. When I've finished preparing an excellent meal for my family I want to take an internal inventory and think, "Joy?.... Yes! Pass!"
I'm not learning to surf, (after all there are no waves within a thousand miles of here), but I've been in an unhealthy rut. Maybe it's because I'm adjusting to a place that is drastically different from anywhere else I've lived. Maybe it's because I miss my husband who works at least 13 hours a day. Maybe it's because of the incessant sickness present in our house, but I just don't feel well. I can't put my finger on it exactly but I seem to be wavering between vague anxiety and just a general feeling of unsettlement. I'm happy, actually quite happy. But I'm not feeling like physically, I'm thriving.
Furthermore, and most importantly, food holds no joy for me like it used to. That's really what I want to change. I haven't been cooking unhealthily per se, but I haven't actually enjoyed it at all. I kind of hate it. And I'm hungry a lot, which is even more annoying because I don't actually want to cook. I attribute the increased appetite to Keshet's getting older and still nursing 5 times a day. I'd rather eat quick snack foods than actual real food that takes effort. And I'm craving sugar all the time, which I've learned is my body's signal that it's malnourished.
I need to hit the reset button on my body. I guess people call this a cleanse and that term will suffice also. When you spend too much time eating the wrong things, your body gets confused and thinks that it needs the wrong things and then you get confused about what you should be putting in it. That's where I'm at. My life has changed quite a bit in the last year and I've gone through a bit of emotional trauma and changes. I also lost almost all of the weight from my last pregnancy which can release all kinds of weird toxins and stuff so I have become convinced, more and more, that I need to do something drastic. I've also prayed about it quite a bit and wanting to feel better physically and it's no coincidence that I've been prompted that a cleanse is in order. I feel like everywhere I look, people are doing all kinds of cleansing, juice fast, water fast, raw cleanse, etc. I guess you could say I am jumping on the bandwagon, but I prefer to think of it as a message and an answer to personal prayer that this is what I need to do.
So because I'm nursing, I can't do anything super drastic. But I need to do something so I decided the best bet would be a raw diet for a while. I'll be eating a 98% raw diet. The exception will be on food items that cannot be reasonably eaten uncooked like beans and some grains like rice. I still need a good portion of protein and fats to maintain healthy milk and if I'm struggling with hunger all the time, I certainly don't need to severely diminish my caloric intake. I'll also be eating absolutely 0 dairy, refined sugar, and processed foods. Whole food is the name of the game and I'm also going to try to get in 64 ounces of water a day as well.
My goal is not to be a raw vegan. My goal is to get back to the place where I'm eating what I need and not what my body thinks it needs and giving into cravings for things that are obviously not health foods.
I start class for my Master's in creative writing on June 11th so that is my goal date to reach. It's a little over 3 weeks away, I started yesterday so I guess that makes it 26 days. Here's hoping that in the end I can feel a little more in control of my body and it's cravings and complaints. I want to be master of it once more. And I'm certain I'll feel better mentally was well even though monetary stability can go a long way to helping mental stability. I feel like I've got a good spiritual vibe going and I could probably get more out of it if I were more in tune with my physical body and not letting it run a muck.
And lastly, I hope to bring the joy back to food. As the person that cooks/prepares 3 meals a day for my family, that's a lot of time to hate what you're doing. I don't want to hate it anymore. When I've finished preparing an excellent meal for my family I want to take an internal inventory and think, "Joy?.... Yes! Pass!"
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