There's more than one way to skin a...er raise a child

The following is my pre-child parental to-do list:
-My children will always eat their vegetables or they'll starve.
-I will never modify or make a separate dinner for my children.
-My children will never have a meltdown in the grocery store.
-I will never buy my kids useless toys... only ones that stimulate the mind.
-I'm not going to breastfeed.
-I will never cut the crust off their bread.
-I will never peel their apples.
-I will never let them get the better of my emotions.
-I will never co-sleep.
-My kids will never talk back.

This is really all I could think of off the top of my head and just so you know, I've broken every single one of these rules. I've gone through a parental migration of sorts in which on my journey to becoming the parent I am today, I've picked up things here and there that have changed my way of thinking. The priorities I have for my children is different than it once was and so my parenting style has varied. Furthermore, my children are each so drastically different that I've had to change things up from time to time. One thing I might have disallowed with one child, I give in with another because I recognize that their needs are different and I want to make sure I choose the right battle.

So, my friends, when I see something like this:

I don't even bat an eye. They could have even said the boy was 5 and I wouldn't have come to an immediate judgment on the mom. The reason is because I have seen enough of motherhood to know that just because something may seem immediately crazy or gross or culturally unsavory doesn't mean it's bad. I can understand the freaked-out gut reaction a lot of people have. I admit I was once one of those who would have thought internally "if they're old enough to ask, they're too old to have it." To me now, that statement is just as ignorant as my past rule that I would never cut the crust off of my child's bread. I have different information now. Different experiences. It's not that I've had some breastfeeding epiphany. It's just that I've struggled so much to do what's right as a mom and witnessed other moms doing the same that I cannot even begin to tell you exactly what the right choices are for you as a mom.

When I saw this cover photo, I have to admit that I went to the comments to see what the general feeling was. Usually I don't touch controversial story reader comments with a ten-foot pole. They always just make me hate being a human. But I did. And I hated it. Of course. I should have known that the general sentiment is one of complete judgmental ignorance. With every comment I confirmed my suspicions. People are not open to ideas that differ from the social norm. I will say this, I did not approve of the fact that the child was being exploited by that cover photo. I also very much doubt that that exact scenario happens at the mom's house. I've seen breastfeeding past 3 and it doesn't look like that. Provocative? Yes. As it was intended. I hope the writer wrote something thought-provoking and not just sensational.

Do I nurse my children past 2? No. Will I ever? Maybe. I don't know. It just depends on the intuition and spiritual guidance I receive for that particular child and that particular time in my life. I don't make ultimatums anymore. Mothering is much too difficult to think that there is only one right way that fits every child and every family.

There is only one rule I really live by when it comes to parenting and that is that one must educate themselves. Never assume the status quo. I will read just about anything relating to parenting methods because it's good to have those ideas bouncing around up there because you never know when you'll try it and it just might work. Knowing that there are so many methods is helpful. For example, before I had Novan I met a Samoan family and the wife told me that in Samoa that kids are often and regularly nursed to 5, 6, 7 even. Its not weird or gross there. That's when I really became open to breastfeeding because I thought if these people do it for so long, it must be really beneficial. Have you ever met a Samoan? They are some of the most loveable people around.

Social perceptions are dangerous. They limit us. Parenting requires the utmost in open-mindedness and flexibility. You simply can't be stuck on one way of doing things. So I find myself kind of grateful for a photo like that because it means that maybe some woman out there who's nursing her 2.5 year old and feels it's right will be uplifted to know that she's not the only one. She won't have to face as much guilt over how she knows she'll be judged if her friends knew. And then maybe others will see that it's not so uncommon and will become more open-minded about other methods of parenting and so they'll become better parents themselves.

We're all just trying our best, right? Can we remember that please when Time Magazine tries to get us to say contentious, judgmental, and ugly statements about each other in a public forum? Can we leave our minds open and accept that we don't know everything?