A Development Worth Noting

Finally, finally, finally Novan will pray. We have tried for a very long time to get him to cooperate during prayer. I have watched other parents get their kids to be reverent for prayer and they always seemed to manage and I always thought "What am I doing wrong?" I just couldn't seem to get him to sit and fold his arms and close his eyes while someone else prays let alone actually say a prayer.

So a few weeks ago while Brad was gone in CA I was so frustrated with him running all over the place while I said the prayer for bedtime that I stopped in the middle of it and while spanking him vigorously on the bottom 10 times or so I yelled "You WILL sit for prayer time! You WILL fold your arms while I am praying or I WILL spank your butt again!" It looks pretty mellow as I type this but in reality I would say I was pretty ferocious looking to him because he sat finally and folded his arms.

I have always wanted Novan to do this automatically like Beya. She is very good at following example and it just never seemed right to spank him to do something like sit for prayer. I always thought he would eventually do as he sees us do but really, that kid is so hard headed and I don't think following an example really occurs to him. He'll be a pro at "just say no" when he gets into highschool because it just won't occur to him to do something for the sake of peer pressure.  Good for later, but BAD for now when I am trying to mold his behavior. So it took a few more nights of threats and spankings but he will finally sit and fold his arms for prayer. He even tells Beya "Beya, fold your arms and close your eyes!" when he sees her running around when I am trying to get them settled for prayer. I can't guarantee he does this in church for primary because I am not there to threaten him =) but I am just grateful that at home he does it.

Since we have finally been able to get Novan to sit for prayer we tried to get him to recite one after us. He is SO STUBBORN! He would sit there with his eyes closed, arms folded, and a big grin on his face while you repeat over and over, "Dear Heavenly Father..." Finally after giving up for a while I tried again a few weeks later and he would repeat after me but he would mumble so you hardly knew what he was saying. Now he actually speaks articulately during prayer and I am SO relieved that he has finally seen fit to humble himself enough to say a prayer even if it is only repeating what we tell him to say, baby steps you know. He pleased me all the more the other night when I was going to have Beya say the prayer and he yelled "NO! It's MY turn to say the prayer!" Well, excuuuuse me! If I had known he liked it so much I would have asked him to say it more often.

There are many things I have learned about trying to deal with Novan and one of those is that if he recognizes that I am trying to get him to do something and it is my idea then it's the worst idea he ever heard of. It's a battle to get him to try to do something new especially when I have thought of it. If, on the other hand, HE thinks of it first then, golly, it's the best idea he ever had. I swear, it's a power struggle on a daily basis because to him, it's like he's giving over a peice of his agency when he complies with my wishes. I think, that Novan often feels out of control, emotionally especially, and when he is able to experience some control, like making decisions and following through it is a reminder to him that he can be in control. He feels safe when he feels like he has control of a situation. I believe that is why he reverts to some crazy cave child when we go out of town for more than a couple days. He doesn't know what to expect and that makes his situation feel out of control. Ok, enough of my psychobabble. I am just LOVING the Novan that can sit and be reverent for prayer!

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