Sibling Love

When my sisters and I would get in fights it generally resulted in a hair-pulling fight. I don't think I ever felt like we considered each other friends growing up but I do know that we did things like most friends do, at least until we were teenagers. I remember thinking after one big fight or another whether I would be sad if my sister died. I am sure I would have told you that I wouldn't care. I just didn't get what it meant to love someone, especially family. I suppose it's because you just get stuck with them. It's not like you choose them and when you're a kid you're so selfish anyway it is pretty hard to love in a meaningful way...or maybe that was just me? I do feel differently now and wish that I had chosen to make better friends of my siblings. My mom would often tell us to stop "being ugly" to one another. It occurs to me now that "being ugly" defines how we make ourselves rather than how we make the other. I think that being able to love our siblings, those people we get stuck with, is a real test of true character.  I think that this is the reason parents so want their kids to love one another because it reveals what stuff their kids are made of.  It is really hard to tell how kids will "end up" in terms of how close they will be with their siblings but it's nice to see them love each other when they are really young.

Right now Novan and Beya are the best of friends. Most of the time they play really well together. Of course sometimes they irritate the snot out of each other. I think all siblings do, and on purpose at that. Beya is so loving and shows it to Novan all the time. It is obvious to me that she considers Novan a source of emotional support because when I have reprimanded her she runs to Novan for comfort. Usually Novan concedes to her hugs and crying but sometimes he is a big git to her and runs away because he thinks it's funny. At no other time do I get so angry at him as when he causes emotional abuse to his sister. I can manage pretty much any of their behavior without getting overly upset. But when I see her run to him for a hug and he pushes her away I almost lose it. I try really hard to praise when I see them, especially him, act kind to each other. Novan has a lot of empathy but I think he lets his stubbornness get the better of him sometimes. Yes, I will call it stubborn pig-headedness and not try to gloss it over with nicer words like "spirited." It's unacceptable no matter what you call it. I don't defend it because I have seen what he's capable of. He has shown that he cares what happens to Beya and anyone else in his family. He has empathy and he has been proud of her too. Once he taught her how to use his stamp set. "Press it down hard Beya." he said. "Mom! Beya's doing it!" Beya's currently getting used to using the potty. When she first started and would pee in the potty Novan would say, "Great job Beya, Mom, Beya did it!" He likes to be able to give her things and he likes when she is given things. Each of them always wants to know where the other is. For example, when I put them in the car one at a time like when it's raining, the first one to go in is always worried I am going to forget the other one. When Beya was a baby Novan would cry the whole time any time someone other than Dad or Mom would hold her. He was and is quite protective. He keeps her from getting in trouble or hurting herself from time to time. Like when I open the oven Novan will pull her away if she is too close. Beya dotes on Novan like no other. She will follow him wherever he goes. The two of them used to sleep in separate beds but then they started getting into bed with each other after we put them down and so now we just put them in the same bed. Beya is so emotionally giving and I hope that Novan will continue to allow her to be.