To Yell or Not to Yell

This morning at breakfast time:
I am trying to get Iyov's breakfast mash together while carrying him. Novan and Beya are content for now with their bowls of dry cereal I have given them to tide them over until I can make a more suitable breakfast. Novan is up and about and walks too closely to Beya's bowl and knocks it on the floor. The cereal is loose and after letting out a tired sigh I say as cheerfully as possible "Novan, you knocked Beya's cereal over, could you please pick it up and put it back in the bowl?" No response, Novan looks at the floor and then goes back to his business of eating his cereal. "Novan!" I say firmly, "Pick up Beya's cereal, please, and put it back in the bowl, now." No response, but this time Novan gets up and starts walking out of the room. "NOVAN!" I yell at the top of my lungs. "YOU GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!" He finally turns around and looks at me with a look that seems to say "Yes mom? I only just now heard you..." I say "Please pick up Beya's cereal and put it back in the bowl." as firmly as I know how. I include the stone-faced mom-look for good measure.  He starts picking it up. "Beya..." says Novan nicely, "Can you please help me pick this cereal up?" Beya says "Ok!" happily and the 2 of them pick it all up happily and almost make a game out of it seeing who can get the most picked up. 'I'll buy that', I think, 'Two seconds of yelling for a little cooperation, well done mom!'


I realize that most people have strong feelings/ideas about parenting. I used to have biased, stubborn, and ignorant ideas about how kids should be dealt with. I really don't think those things anymore and since then I have never had anything but sympathy for the mom in the store trying to get her kid to sit down in the cart or stop grabbing that off the shelf or whatever.  How can I when I have now experienced a plethora of different children and realize that every kid is different and must be dealt with differently. 

I say all this to get to my point without offense which is that yelling, to me, is sometimes neccessary. No, I take that back, for my child it is often neccessary. Daily, perhaps not hourly, unless it's a particularly crazy day but then maybe you should just put the kids in their bedroom for quiet time. Furthermore, yelling is more neccessary for some kids and less neccessary for others. Take my two oldest for example. Novan, is yelled at rather frequently and when he is, you now have his attention and he is no worse for the wear. Beya, on the other hand is yelled at rarely, and when she is, she responds emotionally: she cries, says, "sorry momma" and runs to me or Dad for a hug. My children each see yelling differently. I try to be careful about when I see yelling at Beya as neccessary because often acquiring her cooperation is easier done another way.

So why post this? I think that discipline is so crucial as I am sure you all do.  For me and my kids I believe understanding and respecting the person in authority (me) will greatly benefit my children in the future. That's pretty much the main reason I employ a no-nonsense attitude when it comes to my kids. If I have chosen the battle with them, I sure as heck plan on winning it. If I don't choose the battle, then it's just not that important fight with them about. I mean who really cares if Beya goes to bed in one of her best dresses or if Novan is a "vagrant" when it comes to eating as long as his food stays on the table and not on my couch? My children have never even tried to hit me, tried to order me around, or bit (more than once). They rarely try to hit other kids and when they do they can expect my full wrath.

I understand and respect those soft-spoken parents out there. I know many children who I have thought to myself probably never needed anyone yelling at them. But they are not all the same. So unique and individual, each requiring a different set of parenting tools. Furthermore, my kids will ALWAYS behave better with you than they will with me, and vice-versa. That's just how kids are. If you spent as much time with my kids as I do, they'd put you through the ringer too.
Happy Parenting!

Comments

  1. AMEN! I don't often yell at London. She's pretty sensitive. But the other day at the store, she was being a terror and I asked her what it was going to take to get her to obey and she said, "yell at me." Great. Of course I didn't. I was in the middle of the store. But I might have if I was at home.

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  2. Thanks for putting this out there. some days I swear Cardon wont listen unless I yell! I hate it, but I swear it is true! Some days you can ask him nicely till you are blue in the face and he either stares right through you, or he acts like he does not hear, but the second you yell, he snaps to attention and quickly does what I had asked.

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  3. That's awesome. As a person that doesn't have kids and often has the attitude you mentioned in the beginning, I like when parents share their perspective. I think it's great that you mentioned that everyone has to be dealt with differently, I know I got spanked way more than most of my siblings...generally because I never seemed to learn the first go round. It's great when we can notice those differences though and figure out that each kid has to be dealt with in a different manner. (I'll keep this in mind should I ever have any).

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